Cragens Daughter
by Clue Impaired
Summary: Being a father isn't easy. Ch 12 Please R & R.
1. Chapter 1

The characters of Don Cragen, Olivia Benson and Elliott Stabler, et al, belong to Dick Wolf. The rest belong to me.

This is dedicated to Mrs. Jeter who gave me the idea.

Please read and review. Thank you.

**Cragens Daughter**

"There's a woman in your office, Captain. She says she knows you and she seemed upset so we put her in there. She's just been sitting there since she got here." Olivia said when Don Cragen came in on Monday morning.

"Did she give you her name?"

"No, she said she preferred to be a surprise. She's not armed and she doesn't appear dangerous." Elliott said.

"We'll see. Is there anything new on that Barrettson case?"

"Not yet. We're waiting on ballistics." Olivia said.

"Get on them. We need that information."

"We're on it." Elliott said.

Don entered his office and closed the door. "I understand I know you?" he said before he looked at the woman in his guest chair. "Sue."

"Hello, Don." the woman told him with a small smile.

He went over with an outstretched hand and a smile. Her smile and manner was reserved so he restrained himself from hugging his old friend. "How are you? It's been what, ten, fifteen years since we saw each other?"

"Something like that. You're looking well."

"Time catches up with all of us, but I'm doing alright. What brings you here?"

"I need to talk to you, Don. It's serious, but I don't know that here is the best place to do it."

"Is something wrong? Do you need help?"

"Something is definitely wrong and you are the only one who can help."

Don pulled another chair over so he could sit beside the woman. At closer inspection, he could see definite signs that she was NOT okay. Unless he missed his guess she was very much NOT okay. "Tell me what I can do."

Sue reached into her pocket and pulled out a picture. She fingered it a minute then she handed it over to him. "This is Joanne."

Don took the picture and looked at the smiling young woman. "She's your daughter?"

"She is. That's her school picture from last year. She's doing well in school, she's a whiz in math and science, but she's rather stunted for her English and spelling, but I'm told that's normal for girls her age. She's just starting to discover boys."

"She's beautiful. She looks like you. When did you get married?"

"I didn't. I'm a single Mom. We do okay, her and I. We have a small house, a car that's paid for, all the usual things. What we don't have is time."

"You're ill?"

"I'm dying. I'm terminal, Don, and I need help getting Joanne to her father. That's why I came to you."

"I'll help you all I can. Give me the information you have and we'll see if we can find him for you."

"He's a good man, upstanding and handsome. I don't want to disrupt his life, but I have to let him know he has a daughter and he has to take care of her now."

"And he should. Hasn't he been taking responsibility for her all these years? Child support or medical coverage?"

"He doesn't know. I didn't want him to ever find out because I was afraid it might start something I didn't want to get into. It may have been a mistake but it's something I can't change now."

"Give me his name and we'll make sure he pays you for the child support he should have been paying all along. You need money for treatment?"

"No, there's nothing left to do. I'm dying of liver cancer. It's too advanced to treat. We've been through all the options. This is the last thing I have to do."

"Okay, so who is Joannes father?"

"You are."

"What did you" just say?"

"You are her father. Her full name is Donna Joanne Gentry."

"Do you know what you are saying?"

"I know, Don. Believe me I know. You have every right to be mad, I know I deserve it. I just couldn't, I just wanted to keep her to myself. She's all I have. I have no family, no husband, no one, I was selfish, but I thought after Marge died you might not want a reminder of the night we spent together when you were in so much pain. It's a weak excuse, I know, but there it is."

"How do you know she's mine? How can you be sure?"

"I know, Don. There's no one else it could be. I expect you will want a DNA sample so I brought her hair brush, a bandaid from where she cut her finger and her toothbrush. I hoped you could run a paternity test without her knowledge first so you're convinced before we take this to Joanne. I know you want proof."

Don jumped up and moved around behind his desk. "I can't...Why, Sue? Why, after Marge died, you know how much we wanted kids, I would have liked to know..."

"I was afraid. I thought you might want custody and I couldn't take the chance on loosing her. It was just easier to say I'll tell him someday and take what comes then. Except I'm out of time now. So here I am."

Don sank down in his chair. "We'll get the test done right away. When, how..."

"You came to me in so much pain, you wanted to talk about Marge, I was drinking and you took just one to dull the pain, remember? But you needed more. We got drunk and then we..."

"I got itm but I don't remember it."

"You were pretty out of it. You cried for her and one thing led to another and here she is. I found out a few weeks later. I came to the precinct to tell you but you were busy and I told myself you were too busy for a child and it was just easier to walk away and never come back."

"And when I never called you to find out what you wanted you took it as a good thing and just kept quiet." Don said harshly.

Sues face went hard with his anger. "Something like that. I already told you I wanted to keep her to myself."

Don closed his fists in an effort to control his anger. He slowly released it and ran his hand over his head. "That is all in the past now and I can't do anything about it. I'll take you down and we'll get that DNA test started. When do I get to meet my daughter? Assuming the tests come back positive."

"They will, but you have to know for certain, I understand that. I don't want you to meet her until you can control your anger. I don't want her to meet her father for the first time when he's angry."

"You should have thought of that... how long ago?"

"She's twelve."

"Nearly thirteen years ago."

"Don, if you're going to carry on about this over and over..."

"You'll what, Sue? Keep her from me? It's too late. Believe me, I know it's not her fault, but you have to give me time to process this. You owe me that much. You've known for all this time and I just found out I may have had a child for all this time. It's alot to take in."

Sue nodded and hung her head. "You're right. I'm sorry, Don. I realize I should have told you sooner. I can't change that now. This is not an ideal situation, but it's all we have."

"Let's go get that test started."

Sue rose and walked toward him by the door. "I really am sorry, Don."

Don nodded and retrieved his coat. He opened the door and allowed her to go ahead of him. As they walked through the squad room, Don told John and Fin. "I'll be back in a bit. Munch, you're in charge until I get back."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Cragens Daughter Ch 2**

Melinda Warner was surprised when Don Cragen and another woman entered her inner sanctum unannounced. She worked around dead people all the time, but she could still see how angry and upset Don was. She smiled tentatively at them noticing the woman's careful walk and tender way of moving. 'Seriously ill' she decided at once.

"Dr. Warner, this is Sue Gentry. We need a paternity test done on the quick and quiet. She has evidence that you might be able to use. Is there any way you can do this for me? As a special favor?"

"I can try. Who are the participants?"

"Ms. Gentry, her daughter Joanne, a minor, and myself."

Melinda nodded once and turned to get the evidence kit she needed, using that as time to school her face into a professional mask. She had had odder requests, though this was quite a surprise. She was quick to rule the toothbrush would have the required DNA, then she took swabs from Sue Gentrys mouth and Dons. "I'll put a rush on it. I should have it back in 48 hours or sooner. I'll put it on the fastest track possible."

"I appreciate it, Doctor. You can call me at my office with the results before you send up the written report." Don said stiffly.

"I will let you both know." she said.

They left her office and she put the information in an envelope. "I need this sent out by courier now."

Don took Sue back to the precinct house and walked her to her car. "I know this is hard on you, Don. But it's no picnic for me either. And it's going to be hard on Joanne."

"Does she know about your illness?"

"She knows I've been sick. She doesn't know how bad it is. I wanted her to get to know you first before I tell her."

"So you haven't stopped keeping secrets yet? I thought you'd have learned your lesson."

"Don't start with me, Don. I can't change the past and I can't handle this pressure. I'm doing the best I can for myself and my daughter."

"And to hell with anyone else?"

"I can just put her in foster care if you would rather."

"You wouldn't get a chance. I'd take you to court to prevent it. Don't punish her for your mistake."

"I realize you're angry, but don't take it out on her either. I'm begging you, Don. Don't make this harder than it is."

"I'll let you know as soon as the results are in."

"I'll be expecting your call. In the trunk is a box for you. I brought you some things to look through." Sue popped the trunk of her car.

Don pulled out a box that was closed. "What is this?"

"Look it over when you have time. It'll make more sense of all of this. I have to go. I have a treatment." She got in her car and backed out of the parking space.

She didn't look at him as she drove away. He really couldn't blame her. He used the hood of a neaarby car as a table and opened the box. It was filled with pictures of Sue and a child, a baby all mixed together. Must be of Joanne. He reluctantly closed the box and went to store it in his own car. It would have to wait, he had a job to do.

All day he did his job absently. He alternated between smiling because he had a daughter and anger that he'd been denied knowledge of her existence until now. If she was indeed his daughter, but he believed Sue. She'd always been honest before, but this was a lot to dump on him after all this time. If his detectives noticed anything going on with him, they never said anything about it.

He caught himself staring at Elliott several times, wanting to talk to him for a minute, but not knowing what he wanted to say. He was a grown man, for Petes sake, he didn't think he needed parenting advice from Elliott. He beat a retreat to his office and sat down to go over some paperwork. Or at least that was his plan. The words just didn't make the kind of sense to him they usually did and he gave them up as a bad job, but he kept the book open just for appearance sake.

He didn't hear his name called. "Captain, a minute of your time?" Elliott called again a bit louder this time.

"Sure, come in." Don pulled himself out of his reverie. "What's going on?"

Elliott closed the door. "That was my question. Is there a problem I need to know about?"

"What makes you ask that?"

I was just wondering. You seem a bit…preoccupied today and I kept looking at me. Is there something I can help you with?"

Don considered for a minute and finally nodded. "This is personal, I'm not sure if I can share it with you or should, but…."

"You've helped me and my family so many times, I can't imagine it can be worse than what I've been in. If you don't feel comfortable telling me, just know I'm here if you do want to talk."

"Have a seat." Don paused for a minute organizing his thoughts. "You know I'm an alcoholic."

Elliott nodded. "You've never made a secret of it."

"Well, after Marge died, I did briefly go back to the bottle. I'm not going to make any excuses for it. I found myself at the home of a friend one night, she used to be a friend back in my drinking days and one thing led to another and we…well, I have a daughter. I just found out. She's twelve and her mother is dying of liver cancer. That was her that was in here this morning."

"In twelve years, she never told you about the girl?"

"She gave a bunch of excuses, but I'm not buying them."

"Are you sure she's yours?"

"I have a paternity test in the works. I'll know soon. I'm just not sure how to deal with a twelve year old girl. I don't know anything about them."

"There is nothing unusual about them. They're just normal kids. Sometimes they're grouchy, sometimes they're nice. About like captains, I'd say." Elliott grinned at him. "What does she say about all this? What is her name by the way?"

"Her mother calls her Joanne. Her whole name is Donna Joanne Gentry. She doesn't know about me and she doesn't know how sick her mother is, at least that's what Sue said. I kind of have my doubts. Twelve year olds are a lot more savvy than parents give them credit for."

"See you do know something about 12 year old girls." Elliott said with a grin. "I take it you haven't met her?"

"No. Sue left a box of pictures and things for me to look at, but not face to face. She wants to ease into it, but she's terminal so I'm not sure how much time we have to ease anywhere."

"Well, if you need anything or just want to talk you know where to find me."

"Thanks, I might take you up on it."

Elliott got up and moved out the door. Olivia gave him a questioning look but he didn't give anything away. The secret wasn't his to give. He went back to work and so did she. Fin and Munch came in for their evening shift with their usual flare for arguing. Don just ignored them. He made sure he was out of the office by 5:00 and went straight home.

Mrs. Costanza from downstairs had left his apartment spotless as usual and left him some leftovers for dinner. She seemed to want to adopt him, he didn't mind. It gave her peace of mind that he was in the building and he gave her a nice bit of extra income to keep the place neat for him. He followed her cooking instructions and sat down at the table to open the box while it heated.

The pictures weren't in any special order, most of them were unmarked except for dates from the camera. The girl in most of them was laughing and she seemed a happy child. He saw all of her birthday cakes, summers by the beach, some Christmas pictures where she was showing off her presents, school photos, but no men in any of them and only a couple where Sue wasn't the obvious photographer. He saw her go from blond haired baby to darker haired little girl, where she'd lost one of her front teeth then both of them, to longer hair where she was hanging upside down on the monkey bars.

Even though he'd just learned that she was his and had not even met her yet, his heart ached for the complete turn around her world was about to take. She was happy, why couldn't fate have let her grow all the way up happy before crashing her world down around her. He moved the pictures far enough around on the table to put his plate of food, but he kept looking at them while he ate.

He pictured how Marge would have loved this little girl who had the devil in her smile and was a bundle of energy. Just like they'd pictured their kids some day. He hoped Marge, wherever she was in heaven, would forgive him for having this little ray of sunshine in his life and not being able to share it with her.

He finished the box of pictures and went back to some of his favorites while he finished his dinner. He spread them out and eyed them one at a time with great interest. He saw where she'd grown considerably in the last few years. She wore a soccer outfit in some of the pictures and appeared to be athletic. She was going to be tall with long straight hair and blue eyes and that engaging grin.

His home phone rang and he reached over to pick it up. " Cragen." He said before he realized he'd answered it as though it were the office phone.

"You really do spend way too much time at the office." A female voice said into his ear.

"Hi, Sue. Listen, I'm sorry for the way I was earlier…."

"Don't worry about it, Don. I kind of hit you from out of the blue with it. Did you go through the box yet?"

"I just finished. You took a lot of pictures of her. I'm glad, but you aren't in many of them."

"No, I don't want her to remember me as the drunk I was through most of her childhood. I have a few here that she can have when I'm….after I'm…. later. They will show her that I really did love her and did the best I could for her. That's why I'm calling. The doctor said my disease is progressing faster than they had thought and they've shortened my expectancy. I'd like you to come over on Saturday to get to know her. If you have no plans, we could make a day of it and then tell her together who you are."

"I don't have any plans. Is it that bad?"

"Yes. So far I've managed to conceal this from her but I won't for much longer. I need you to be there for her."

"I'll be there. How about 9:30?"

"We're early risers. How about 8:00?"

"Alright. Eight it is. Can I bring you anything? Or get you anything?"

"No, bless your heart. Just you and some comfortable shoes. Hopefully not your black dress shoes."

"What's wrong with my dress shoes?"

"She's a buzz saw. You'll want to bring athletic shoes to go with her. Take my word for it."

"Alright. Thank you, Sue. For the pictures and….and everything."

"I'll see you Saturday morning, Don."

Don spent the next couple of days in a flurry of tense activity. The time seemed to speed by. He went to bed Friday night fighting the urge to drink just one drink to steady his nerves. He had his clothes all laid out for the morning and he laid down not expecting to sleep.

He was awake before his alarm on Saturday morning and decided to get a box of doughnuts to take with. He got a mixture and drove over to Sues house. An ambulance was just pulling away from the house with lights and sirens going.

A New York Department of Childrens services car was there along with several other cars. Don pulled up and got out. A uniformed officer came toward him. "I'm sorry, sir, no one is allowed….."

Don flashed his badge. "I'm a friend of the family." He said not altogether untruthfully. The uniformed officer nodded and moved on to the next group.

Don entered the house where a girl he recognized as Joanne sat belligerently on the couch while a woman tried to talk to her. "You don't have a choice. Your mother is on her way to the hospital and you can't stay here by yourself."

"I won't go." Joanne said stubbornly.

"Don't make me drag you out of here. You can't stay here alone."

"What is going on here?" Don demanded.

"Who are you and what business is it of yours?" the social worker demanded belligerently of him.

Don showed her his badge. "Don Cragen, Special Victims Unit and a friend of the family. Where is Sue?"

"She's on the way to the hospital. Since you're a friend of the family maybe you can persuade Joanne that she can't stay here by herself. She doesn't seem to be listening to me."

"Let me speak to her alone. You can wait outside."

The woman looked about to argue the point but nodded and left with the other uniformed man. Don looked at his daughter. She was looking at him funny. "I don't know you." She said suspiciously.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Cragens Daughter Ch 3**

_"I don't know you."_

All manner of replies sprang to Dons' mind in response to Joannes comment. "No, you don't but I know you. I told that woman that I'm a friend of your mothers and that's the truth. I knew your mother before you were even born."

"How come she never mentions you if you're a friend?"

"We lost touch over the years. I didn't know where she was."

"Is that badge real?"

"It's real. What happened to your mother? She was fine last time I talked to her."

"When did you talk to her?"

"Wednesday night. She called my house."

Joanne nodded and looked down. "She said she was tired last night and she laid down for awhile. She was fine when I went to bed but when I got up this morning she just wasn't feeling very well, then she laid down on the couch here and I couldn't wake her up so I called 911 and they sent out the ambulance and _her_. I'm not going with her. My mom will expect me to be here when she gets home from the hospital and I'm not leaving here. If they think they're going to take me somewhere they can think again."

"Can I sit down?" Joanne nodded uncertainly. Don sat carefully at the other end of the couch from his daughter. His daughter, she was so real now, so full of vigor and bravado, but he saw the fear behind it and he understood her. She was afraid for her mother, for her life and for her future. He didn't have any legal authority to take the girl into his home yet, but he understood that she needed to be able to see her mother. "What I'm proposing is that I tell her that you'll be staying with me until your mother is out of the hospital. That way she won't put you in a temporary home."

"How do I know you really know my mom?" Joanne asked nervously.

"That's a good question. What can I tell you so you would know for a fact that I knew your mother?"

"What is my first name?"

"Donna."

"You could have gotten that off my birth certificate or the internet. How come I just have my Mom and no Dad?"

'_Because your father didn't know you existed.' _Don thought with a pang for her. "Because your mother loved you and wanted to keep you safe with her. She said you two were fine and she liked her life the way it was."

Joanne nodded and tears welled up in her eyes. She pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them tightly. "That's what she always said. I wish I had a dad. At least he'd be here to take care of us. Then maybe Mom wouldn't be sick. She wouldn't have worked so hard and she would be healthy now. I hate this and I hate him!"

"Maybe he couldn't be here. Maybe he wanted to be and there were reasons why he couldn't be. Right now I think we should find out how your mom is and then worry about where you'll stay until she's home again. Can we make that our plan?"

"I-I guess. I just don't know you. Can I see your badge again?" Don pulled it out and handed it to her. She took it and inspected it carefully. She reluctantly handed it back to him. "I guess you're a real cop. Where do you do your cop thing?"

"Manhattan."

"What would I call you?"

"Don would be fine. Can I call you Joanne?"

"That's my name. So can we go see about my mom?"

"Let me talk to Mrs. Murphy then we can go. Do you need to get anything before we go?"

"I'd like to get something from my room."

"Go ahead and I'll go talk to her. Give me a few minutes okay?"

"Okay." Joanne walked toward the hallway where the bedrooms would be.

Don went outside to speak to the Social Worker. "Are you related to her?" Mrs. Murphy asked.

"What makes you ask that?"

"There's something about the way you approached her. You know more than she does about what's going on."

"I do. I'm her father, I just found out a couple of days ago. Her mother is terminal, liver cancer. We were going to go out with her today, get to know each other and then tell her tonight. She will be coming to live with me when her mother is gone. We've already discussed this. I plan on taking her to see her mother and spending as much time with them as I can for as long as she has left."

"Why did you just find out now? She's twelve and now you find out? What I want to know is what prevented her from telling you sooner? Is there some reason?" Mrs. Murphy said in a speculative tone.

"I'm a police captain, Mrs. Murphy. She might have thought she would keep Joanne safe from harm by keeping me from being part of her life, I'm not sure. What I do know is that girl in there is mine, she's worried sick about her mother and putting her in foster care isn't going to make her life or mine any easier. I'm going to go get her and go see her mother. If you have any paperwork that needs to be filled out, I'll give you my cell number, I'm easy to find."

"I could keep her anyway. I just have your word for it." Mrs. Murphy said.

"You could, but you won't. Because you know that everything that I said was true. I wouldn't go out of my way if I didn't have motive would I? She is my daughter, Mrs. Murphy, and I want her to be spared foster care if I can help it. I'm not looking to make trouble, but I do know a few things about how this works. Can we work together for the good of the mother and child? She is dying and having her daughter taken to foster care isn't going to make anything easier on either of them."

"I will be checking with Mrs. Gentry on this."

"Do what you need to do. You'll find nothing I've told you is a lie. I welcome your help in keeping this on the up and up. You can call Dr. Melinda Warner of the ME's office in Manhattan about the DNA test we had run. She is my daughter. It's on record there."

"Then take her. Just let me know if there are any further developments. I'm available at these numbers." She handed Don her business card. "And congratulations, Captain Cragen. It's a young lady."

Don took the business card and went back inside to find Joanne standing in the middle of the livingroom looking around like she was looking for something. "We need to get to the hospital to check on you Mom. Are you ready?"

"I-I guess. Did Mrs. Munson say it was alright? For me to go with you?"

"She did. She's still outside if you want to ask her."

"No. I-I believe you."

"Is there anything you want to take to her that she might need or want?"

"There's this blanket she likes to have on her."

"Go ahead and get it. I'll wait."

Joanne went back into the bedrooms and Don wandered around the small living room, looking at the knick knacks on the shelves, the books on the bookshelves and the pictures on the walls. They were mostly of Joanne doing things, going places and happy. He saw with a pang that she had been happy without a father. Would she want one now that she was already twelve? Should he tell her without Sue being here or wait and hope that Sue came out of the hospital and then tell her? He knew one thing for sure, she would not be under the impression that he was "just a friend" for very long. No matter how she reacted she'd have a parent here when her mother was gone. He'd see to that.

Joanne came back out with a red and white quilt that showed childish stitches and designs alternating with adult stitches on different colored blocks of material. She thoughtfully stroked the fabric. "This is her favorite. We made it when she was in a car accident and she couldn't walk for a while. I made some of it and she made some. It's not very good."

"I think it's beautiful and she'll be happy to have it with her. Is there anything else?"

"No. If I stay with you we'll have to come back here to get some of my things."

"That won't be a problem. You have your house key?"

"Right here."

The two of them headed toward the door. Don arrived first. He turned around and saw her looking around the house. "What's wrong?" he asked gently.

"I just have the feeling that I won't be coming back here. It's not much, but it's home."

"You'll be back. I'll make sure you come back."

The girl shook her head. "It won't be the same. As long as she was going for treatments, it wasn't real, but it's all changing now. I can feel it. I hate change. Why can't things be the same? We were happy. Why does this have to happen now?"

Don wished he could give her a hug, but that wasn't his priviledge yet. "Change can be hard. And ones that you're facing now are going to be really difficult, but change doesn't have to be all bad. Everything changes it's one of the only constants in the world. It's up to us how we deal with it."

"But where am I going to go? When Mom dies? I have no relatives, no friends...Mom didn't make many friends."

"You could go live with your father."

"The man who got my mother pregnant then abandoned us? What the hell does he care? He's never once tried to contact us, there are times when we were really hurting for money, could have used some help around the house and where was he? I don't want anything to do with him."

"Let's at least find out more about him before you completely condemn him."

"Do you have any kids, Don? I'll bet you'd never have abandoned them." she said with vehemence.

"Not if I knew about them and had a choice in the matter. Let's go see your mother."

Joanne didn't exactly let him touch her but she was close to him when they got to the car. He unlocked her side and held the door for her to get in. Then he went around to get into his side. She had already buckled her seatbelt and was holding the quilt closely to her. She looked around the car. "You must have alot of money to have a car this nice."

"I like a good car and when I need to get somewhere I need it to be ready to go. This is a good car, the best in it's style."

"When I'm old enough to drive, I'm going to get a car and just drive away. Go anywhere I want to, any time I want to. No one to tell me no and you can't go there, because I'll go if I want to." Joanne said firmly.

"Where can't you go now?" Don asked.

"I wanted to go to this party and Mom said no because it was a mixed party and Bobbys parents weren't going to be there, but his big brother was so what's the big deal? I told her I'd walk, but it was too far away. We had a fight about it. What if that's the last thing I ever get to say to her?"

Don reached over and touched her arm briefly. "Don't think that way. We don't know anything until we get there. Let's not get ahead of ourselves."

Joanne sniffled bravely, trying to hold back her tears. Don just drove and kept a discreet eye on her, giving her the space she needed to collect herself. In a minute she said in a small voice. "So since you knew my mom, did you know my dad, too?"

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Cragens Daughter Ch 4**

"Did I know your father?"

"Yes. You said you knew my mother years ago, so you must have known him."

"Did you ask your mother about that?"

"She says the same thing all the time. We'll discuss it later but then she gets busy and later never comes."

"You noticed that, huh? Good observation."

"And you're doing the same thing. Changing the subject."

"Your mother has the right to tell you about your father, I don't have that right. We'll talk to her. I think it's time she tell you what's going on. How much do you know about her condition?"

"More than she wants me to know. She's terminal, I know. She goes for treatment that she doesn't want me to know about, she's not eligible for a transplant and she's contacted someone about taking me in. I don't know who. It can't be you because you're not married. Do you know who she went to see?"

"Are you sure you're not 30?"

"You know I'm not. But you know something more than you're telling. She asked you to come here and meet me and we were going to spend the day together and you're a cop. That means you know more than you're telling."

"Maybe we should put this discussion on hold until we see your mother. If we can't talk to her, I'll tell you what I know. You have to promise to listen to everything and try not to judge. There are reasons for everything, whether they sound good to you or not."

"You do know something."

"I didn't hear a promise of anything."

"I promise. Can you give me a hint?"

"No."

"You are a police captain? Of what?"

"Special Victims Unit."

"The sex police?!"

Don snorted. "We've been called that, yes. We handle more than that, though. We are responsible for catching the people who cause those victims to be victims."

"Isn't that what a cop does?"

"In most cases. All of my detectives are volunteers."

"All of your detectives? How many people do you have in your group?"

"There are twelve detectives in my squad."

"Your squad. They sound like cheerleaders."

"You could say that." Don smiled at the comparison.

"Are you just the captain or are you a detective too?"

"I'm a detective captain. I was a detective for many years then I got promoted. Now I oversee others and generally take the yelling that comes from above."

"I'll bet you do your share of yelling, too." Joanne said wryly.

"Smart girl. I've been known to make a few people jump, yes."

Joanne eyed him measuringly. "I can see that about you. Do you yell often?"

"I try not to. What we do is a tough job and I realize people are only human, but sometimes I have to be tough. It's what being a captain is all about. How about you? Do you yell much?"

"I don't have alot of people to yell at." Joanne smiled.

"Okay, I guess you wouldn't. What do you like to do when you're not in school?"

"Rollerblading, swimming, going to the mall" (she said with a sly look at him)" I like to read."

"What do you read?"

"Science Fiction, mostly. Mom says I need to read the classics, but they can be so boring. The stuff that is published now is much more sophisticated all that dry stuff. That is stuff the teacher wants us to read."

"Even Romeo and Juliet? Is that boring?"

"Eww. I'm not about to read that stuff." Joanne said with a disgusted face. "Do you have a lady friend? You're not wearing a wedding ring."

"No one special. How about you?"

"I don't have any lady friends." Joanne said with a cheeky smile.

Don laughed. "I meant a boyfriend."

"No. There's no one guy. They're all kind of dumb. All they think about is sports and cars. They can't wait until they can drive and then they're going to go out and party. It's like the only thing they talk about. Is that what you were thinking about when you were my age?"

"We did have a little more to talk about."

"Like what?"

"Who almost got eaten by what dinosaur on the way to school." Don teased remembering conversations he'd overheard about Elliotts kids calling him old and comparing him to a cave man.

Joanne gave him an odd look then it dawned on her and she laughed out loud. "I got it. So were there many dinosauars where you lived?"

"Just an occasional one now and again." Don teased her. He pulled into the parking lot. "We're here."

Joannes face fell and she looked at the hospital with trepidation and resolve. "I hate hospitals." she said out loud.

"Do you want to wait a minute before we go in?"

"No. The sooner we get in there the sooner I see mom. And there's no sense in putting it off. I know it's coming." she got out of the car and waited until he came around the front. "It's a shame." she said quietly.

"What's that?"

"That you never had kids. You'd make someone a great dad. You ought to consider it."

Don thought his heart would start rebeating any minute. "I'm kind of old for that."

"It's never too late to be a dad. As soon as I find out who my dad is, I'm going to give him a piece of my mind."

"You still think he doesn't want you?"

"I don't know what to think, but I'm going to find out. Soon. She has to tell me soon, we don't...we don't have much time left together."

Don put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it quickly then released her. "Then you need to make the best of what time you have with her."

Joanne nodded and was silent. They went into the hospital and found out where the oncology department was. Joanne held the quilt firmly to her chest. They talked to the nurse there who recognized Joanne and showed them immediately to Sues room. She gave Don a sceptical look, but she let him in with her. Sue was drowsy and she smiled at Joanne when they came in. "Hi, how are you, sweetie?"

"I'm good, how are you?" Joanne asked rushing to the womans bedside but afraid to touch her. She clutched her mothers hand and kissed it. Sue cupped her face in the palm of that hand. "I was so afraid. You were so still..."

"It caught me by surprise this time. I'm sorry. It's okay now. They have me stablilized. Hello, Don."

"Sue. How are you feeling?"

"A little weak, but okay. I'm sorry, this is not how I intended for our day together to go."

"I brought you that quilt you like so much." Joanne offered quickly.

"That's nice. Can you help me put it on?"

Joanne helped her spread it out. Don could see it was unnecessary, it was plenty warm in the room, but it made Joanne feel better. Sue caught Dons eye and gestured for Joanne to go outside. He nodded and waited until they had the quilt spread to Joannes satisfaction then he touched her shoulder. "If I give you the money, would you get me a cup of coffee and you can get something for yourself?"

"Sure. You two want to get your stories straight, I know. Can I get something to eat, too?"

"Sure." Don handed her a twenty dollar bill. He had the impression that he'd be doing this alot from now on.

"I want change." he said with a smile.

Joanne gave him a 'get real' look and took the money. "Black?"

"With two sugars." he nodded.

"Mom, can I get anything for you?"

"No, I'm fine. They're taking good care of me."

"I'll be back soon." Joanne said.

Don slipped his wallet back into his pocket and watched the girl leave the room. "How are you really?" he asked Sue Gentry.

"You know you won't get any change back or at least not very much." Sue said wryly.

Don smiled at her. "I figured as much. I might as well get used to it. So how are you really? You didn't answer my question?"

"Not good at all. The disease is progressing rapidly now."

"I think we need to tell her now, Sue. She grilled me on the way over about her father. I managed to keep her at bay but that wasn't easy."

"I know. She's alot like her father that way. She goes after what she wants. What did she say?"

"She thinks I abandoned you and that you're sick because I didn't pay child support and you worked too hard. She's really angry over that. She blames me, her father, for all of this."

"I've tried to correct her every time it comes up but she's as stubborn as you are."

"I wouldn't cast aspersions here, Sue. You have your share of stubbornness as well. I remember you talking Marge into getting the carpet in the living room changed because you liked yours so well then it cost me a fortune to have it replaced because it didn't go with the decor. Marge loved that carpet and you talked her into changing it. You still owe me about $4,000 by the way."

"I'll take it out of petty cash. " Sue smiled at him, tiredly. "How are we going to tell her, Don?"

"Straight out is best. I told her on the way over I was going to try to get you to tell her and she promised she'd listen all the way through and try not to judge."

"She's twelve, Don. She'll judge because at that age they know everything. They could run the world with no problem."

Don smiled. "You take the lead when we tell her and I'll back you up. She's pretty confused and angry. I know it's not going to be easy. She thinks we were just friends."

"We were, I hope we still are, because it was just that one time. Who knew, huh?"

"Yeah, who knew." Don said bleakly.

Joanne came back in with a cup of coffee and a danish. "I thought you might want something to go with it." she handed them over.

"Where's my change?" he asked.

She made a face and dug in her pocket for a dollar and a nickel. She put them in his hand and looked up to see if he was buying it. He kept looking at her and she sighed and dug deeper to come up with the rest. She placed it in his hand. He didn't count it, he just pocketed it. She turned to her mother. "I need to know what's going on, Mom."

"Honey, the honest truth is that I screwed up. I should have told you years ago what happened. I didn't think it would ever come to this. You know I'm dying. I can't stay with you like I want to. I need to know you're safe before I die and I'm going to do what I should have done years ago. I'm going to make sure you go to your father."

"Do you even know who it is, Mom? You've never said who he was or why you wouldn't let me know him."

"Honey, I thought I could keep you safe with me. I thought that I'd tell you when you're older when you could understand. It's not going to happen, I'm sorry, sweetie. I need you to understand. Your father is a good man and it's something I'm going to have to carry the guilt for that I didn't tell him or you sooner."

"Who is it, Mom? Who is my father?"

"I am, Joanne. I'm your father." Don said.

Joanne whipped her head around to stare at him like he'd grown another head. "You're my father? Mom, is this true?"

"It's true, honey. I went to his precinct to tell him Monday. That's where I was before you got home from school. This was the first time he knew about it."

"You didn't... He didn't... You let me believe..."

"Joanne, it was my decision. I needed to be the one to tell you." Sue said. "If you're going to be mad at anyone be mad at me. Don was busy being a captain and I wanted you all to myself."

"You said you didn't know my father." Joanne accused Don.

"I didn't answer your question. I thought your mother should be the one to tell you."

"So you both lied to me." she said shrilly.

"Keep your voice down, young lady." Sue said sternly. "If you keep talking like that they'll ask you to leave. Joanne, listen to me. Honey, I'm not going to lie to you, I wish I had never had to tell you like this, but there's no way I'll ever regret having you all to myself for so long. Now Don will get to see your smiling face ever day for the rest of his life."

"Don't talk like that, Mom." Joanne said desperately.

Sue closed her eyes. "I'm so tired. I need to sleep."

"Sue, Mrs. Munson from Social Services was there and she needs you to make a formal declaration that Joanne is my daughter and giving me custody after..."

"I'm ready for that. My lawyer is drawing up the papers now for me to sign. I have one stipulation."

"What's that?" Don asked prepared for nearly anything.

"I'd like to try to be a family for a while. It isn't much. I should have done this sooner. I regret that more than you know. Don, could you, maybe you could move in with us? It's only for a few weeks, then..."

"Stop! Stop acting like I'm not here. Stop pretending that it's all going to be okay. It's not, nothing is going to be okay any more. I hate this and I hate you, both of you." Joanne bolted for the door.

"Joanne." Don said reaching out for her.

"Let her go, Don. She has to work this out for herself. She won't go far. She knows the score. She's really a good girl, Don. This is hard on her."

"I know that. I just wish I could make it easier on her and on you."

"I have the easy part. All I have to do is die. You have to contend with a twelve year old stranger who's your daughter. You don't know anything about each other but you'll have to learn quickly. If I had only known..."

"We can't change the past, Sue. All we can do is go on from here."

"I know, still. I'm awfully tired. Would you mind if I...?"

"Sleep. I'll go find her and talk to her. We'll be back later." he touched her hand. Her hand wrapped around his for a quick minute then she faded off to sleep.

Don went to find his "new" daughter.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**Cragens Daughter Ch 5**

Sue was right. She hadn't gone far. There was a waiting room down the hall with a large aquarium full of tropical fish and the usual things in it. Joanne was curled up in a chair watching the fish when he walked in. He approached carefully and sat down a few chairs away from her and watched the fish too, but he was watching her most of all. "I'd like to be a fish some days." he said for an opening line.

"Why?" Joanne asked without looking at him.

"They swim around all day oblivious to the world. In here there's no one to harass them, no one to eat them, no pain, someone to feed them everyday and change the water when they need it."

"Yeah."

"But then there's no one to love either, no joy, no friends, nothing to look forward to except a meal now and again and going around and around and around the same old tank."

"But they're safe here. No one can hurt them." Joanne said in a quavering voice.

"And no one can love them. All they can do is watch everyone else coming and going all day long. They never get to have any fun, never talk to anyone, go anywhere or do anything. If they had a choice which do you think they'd prefer? Being stuck here all their life or taking a chance on the whole world and enjoying themselves?"

"I don't know. How long-How long until she...dies?"

"I don't know, Sweetie. I haven't talked to her doctors. She's sleeping now. She's pretty tired."

"I'm tired too."

"I know. I'm here now to help you both. I know you don't know me, but that's going to change."

"I wish you were a doctor instead of a cop."

"Right this minute I do too, but I'm not and the doctors have done the best they can do. It's up to us now to keep your mom as comfortable as possible."

"So she's going to be able to come home?"

"I hope so. I'm going to call someone to help take care of her at your house. A nursing service."

"Hospice was supposed to come in. Mom wouldn't let them in. She refused to have them around."

"I think she'll let them in now."

"Where am I going to go while she's here?"

"I'm going to get some of my things and stay with you for awhile, I guess. How about I show you where a poor old bachelor cop lives while I get my things and then we'll come back here before lunch?"

"Isn't that kind of a long drive to your work from my house?"

"It's not a problem. You and your mom are more important than a few more minutes on the road."

Joanne turned to look at him. "Did you want a daughter? Wouldn't you rather have a son?"

"I'm happy you are you. I don't want any one else. Do you want a different father?"

"Can I get back to you on that?" Joanne said with a quavery smile.

"Sure, you can. Let's let the fish contemplate their little glass world and go do what we need to do."

"Okay."

Don walked with his daughter back out into the daylight. She sniffled now and again and walked like she was really tired. Don unlocked her door and went around to his side. She was in her seat and buckled up when he got in. He drove toward his apartment, taking the long way. He wasn't surprised when he glanced over and she had fallen asleep. He eased off on the gas and kept driving for over an hour, circling his place while she slept. When she started to stir he made one last turn and pulled into the parking garage of his building.

"We're here." he said softly.

She sat up and looked around bleary eyed. "How long have you lived here?"

"Four years."

"We never lived anywhere more than a year or two. Mom would get behind in the rent or she'd say we're moving to somewhere nicer. I didn't mind too much, but it was hard to switch schools every year."

"I don't intend to move. You'll have the same school for as long as you want to stay there when you come to live with me."

"In an apartment?"

"Or a house. We could buy a house. An apartment was good enough for me but together we could get a house."

"I don't know. I always wanted a dog. Could we get a dog?"

"We'd have to see, but yes I think we could."

They got out and he led the way to the elevator. Joanne watched to see what buttons he pushed on the elevator. He didn't try to hide it. She followed him to his door and he opened it, letting her go first. She walked in looking around. "You don't spend alot of time here, do you?"

"Not much. My job keeps me pretty busy."

"Where would I fit in?" Joanne asked. "If you're so busy all the time."

"I will make sure you are one of my top priorities." Don told her firmly. "I don't want you to ever think I don't want you around."

"You don't even know me."

"No, and you don't know me. We'll have to learn to get along. Joanne, for whatever the reason that we didn't know each other when you were younger, we know each other now. We can't erase the past, assigning blame won't help anyone, we'll just have to go on from here."

"So you're not going to send me to boarding school?"

"Not unless you want to go. Do you?"

"No. I just, I can be kind of awful. At least that's what some of Moms friends have said."

"I'll give you hint. I can too. Let's make a deal right now. If there's something bothering you, you can come to me and I'll do the same. Can we make that deal?" Don offered his hand to her to shake.

She gave him a thoughtful look. Then she smiled at him. "Okay." she shook his hand shyly. "What can I help you with?"

"Does your Mom still only drink tea?"

"Yeah."

"Then I'll need the coffee pot from the kitchen and there's a couple of coffee mugs on the counter. Can you grab those for me?"

"Sure."

Don got a suitcase and put his clothes in it and grabbed his things out of the bathroom and went back in to find Joanne had wrapped up the coffee cups in dish towels and put them in a box with a couple of towels wrapped around the glass part of the coffee maker. The rest had been put on the table next to the box. She had also grabbed the perishables out of the fridge and had them next to another box. She was loading the box when he came out. "Very good idea, Joanne."

"I've had tons of experience in moving." she said pleased at the approval in his tone.

He nodded and set his stuff in the hallway by the door. He looked around the apartment and didn't see anything he needed to take with him. On second thought he retraced his steps to his bedroom and grabbed his gun safe and his shoulder holster. These he put next to a duffle bag with his shoes and cell phone accessories. The answering machine could take whatever calls came in on his landline and his detectives knew to reach him on his cell. He had everything he figured he'd need for a few days.

Joanne looked wide eyed at the gun safe and shoulder holster. "I guess I never realized that you really would need that."

"I'll keep it out of sight if it bothers you."

"No, it doesn't bother me, much. Mom never allowed guns in the house, but she always said they were necessary. Have you ever had to shoot anyone?"

"Only a few times in all the time I've been a cop. Most of the time it's just having it handy and being ready to shoot if I have to. Police work isn't at all like it is on television. It's hours of hard work and fact gathering. Anyone who walks into it thinking it's glamorous or exciting all the time usually leaves before too long. They get bored. Some find it better than they expected."

"Why did you become a cop?"

"I fought in the war in Vietnam. I was a soldier captain and when I got back to the states I didn't find anything I could do that satisfied me until I took the civil service exam and applied to the police academy."

"That was when? 250 BC?" Joanne teased him with a smile.

Don grinned at her. "It was 135 BC, young lady, show some respect for the aged and senile." he teased back. "Let's get this stuff out to the car."

"Yes, sir."

"You could give my officers lessons in taking orders." he told her.

"Okay, I'll whip them into shape."

"I'll bet you would. Can you get the boxes?"

"Sure."

Don carried the duffle bag and suitcase on the first trip while Joanne carried the box of perishables. The second trip was the guncase and the coffee pot stuff. A third trip to make sure nothing else needed to go and they were done. Joanne was standing at the back of the car and staring at him with her hands on her hips. "What?" he asked.

"I just can't believe what's happening. My mom gets sick, my father shows up out of the blue, and now I'm losing my mother. I don't know how to take this. It's all so...It's happening so fast. How do I take this? How?" Tears welled up in her eyes and her bottom lip started to quiver.

Don didn't hesitate. He came over to her and pulled her against his chest. She clutched his clothes and bawled loudly. He held her to him never mind that they were out in public and anyone might walk by. His daughter needed him and he was happy to be there for her. Sobs shook her body and her tears soaked his shirt, but it didn't matter. She was what mattered and it would have been alot for an adult to handle, much less a twelve year old girl. When the wave of despair had passed, Joanne stayed against him for a few minutes before she pulled back, not looking him in the eye. "I'm sorry." she mumbled.

"It's okay. I'm here for you whenever you need me. Don't try to deal with it all at once. That's too much for anyone to do. Take it a day at a time, a situation at a time. Ask for help if you need it or don't understand anything. That's what I'm here for."

"Is that what a father does?"

"That's what this father does. I don't know about all fathers but I know what I want to be as a father. The rest we'll just make up as we go."

"Did you know you father?"

"I did. He was a cop as well, but he was killed in a car accident when I was in high school. He stopped to help a stranded motorist in February and a car driving by skidded on the ice and pinned him between the cars. They took him to the hospital and thought he was going to be just paralyzed from the waist down but there was more internal damage than they thought, he got pneumonia and an infection and died from it. I was only seventeen. On my eighteenth birthday I joined the Army and then got sent to Vietnam."

"What about your mother?"

"She had a brain anuerysm and died on the way to the hospital while I was overseas. I was out on patrol when they got the news and I didn't find out until days after the funeral. I got 30 days leave to come home and take care of things, and then I had to go back. I never got to say goodbye. While I was home the mail brought my last letter to her. She never received it."

"Poor Grandma. What were their names?"

"Cecil and Harriet. Old fashioned names for conservative people. They were salt of the earth."

"Do you still miss them?"

"I don't think of them for very often. Yes, once in a while I think about things I wish I could tell them, talk to them about, even ask about things I want to know about family, but I can't live in the past. Now I wish they could know you. They always wanted grand children."

"Don't you have any brothers or sisters?"

"No. They always said they were never blessed with more than me. My mother was fond of saying she would have liked me to be twins. Can you feature me as twins?"

"No." Joanne said with a smile. "Did twins run in your family?"

"No, but she was a loving woman and wanted more kids. They almost adopted some neighbors kids but the family moved away."

Don was catching Joannes eye. "I think they would have been proud to know you."

His cell phone rang and he pulled it out. "Captain Cragen." He paused and listened. "I'll be right there." He hung up the phone and looked at his daughter. "That was the hospital. We need to get back there right now. Your Mom is in trouble again." They climbed hurriedly into the car and headed for the hospital. Don reached over and squeezed Joannes hand for a minute. "Be strong."

He wished with all his heart he'd had an overhead light and siren installed in his personal car.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**Cragens Daughter Ch 6**

They arrived at the hospital after the crisis had passed. Sue now had an oxygen tube around her face and she looked more pale than before. A nurse was monitoring the machine set up next to her bed. She nodded to them and quietly left the room. Joanne approached her mother who was dozing fitfully. "Mom?"

Sue opened her eyes. "Hey, gorgeous girl. How are you?"

"I'm fine. How-How are you?"

"Not so fine, but I'll be okay. So did you have a good time with Don?"

"Okay. He's going to come stay to our house for awhile."

"That's good."

The hospital door opened and a woman walked in with a stethoscope around her neck and a long white coat on. She nodded at them and walked over to Sue. "How are you doing?" she asked her.

"Hello, Dr. Covington. I'm as well as can be expected. This is my daughter Joanne and Captain Don Cragen, NYPD and Joannes father. He'll be taking Joanne to live with him when I'm gone."

"Don't say that, Mom." Joanne cried, clutching at her mothers hand.

Sue covered hers with her other hand. "We have to face it, baby. We always said we'd never lie to each other. It's worse than the doctors thought. I need you to know that. I need you to be strong."

"I can't. I don't want you to die."

"I don't want to die, but this isn't something we can control, believe me, if there were any way to stop this I would. I love you, baby, with all my heart and I always will."

Joanne started to cry and Sue pulled her carefully to her chest and let her cry. Don got tears in his eyes as well. "Can I speak to you outside a moment?" the doctor asked him. He nodded and followed her out into the corridor. "She doesn't have long now." the doctor said at once.

"I figured as much. What's your best estimate?"

"She's had two severe episodes in the last twelve hours. My guess is the next one could be her last or the one after. Liver cancer is a horrible way to go it's usually six to eight weeks from diagnosis to the end. The body simply cannot live without the liver. Sue's is not functioning at all."

"I was going to see about bringing her home and getting a private nurse or Hospice in."

"I don't recommend it. Both from a physical standpoint and an emotional one."

"Care to enlighten me on that?"

"Sue needs care she can not get at home with just a nurse, no matter how much you would like to do it. She just can't handle it physically. Even moving her in the ambulance could disrupt her system and she might not even make it home, if an ambulance service would take her, which they might not. Plus if you get her home and all the equipment, Joanne is going to see her mother die in the safe place she calls home. She'll never be able to be comfortable there again. It's not something I'd recommend she be put through. That's just my opinion as a doctor, you are her father so the choice is yours of course."

Don nodded. "Thank you for telling me what's going on."

"It's the least I could do. I'm sorry that we couldn't help her more."

"I understand."

"Will you excuse me? I have other patients I need to see."

"Of course."

Dr Covington walked away and Don looked through the door of the room to where Joanne was sitting next to her mother and holding on with both hands. It was a picture he'd have in his memory forever. He took a deep breath and went inside. Joanne glanced over at him. He came up to stand beside her and placed one hand briefly on her shoulder. "I need to talk to your mom, Joanne. Would you excuse us for just a minute?"

"But..." Joanne protested.

"Just for a minute, sweetie." Sue smiled at her daughter. "Go ahead and see what they're serving for lunch. I smell something." Joanne kissed her mother and walked reluctantly out the door. "What's going on, Don?" Sue asked.

"The doctor said it's not a good idea for you to come home. I was going to do that for you, but..."

"I'm too fragile to move. I kind of figured that. What else?"

"Are your plans for Joannes future all set with a lawyer?"

"Smart man. You know I have her provided for."

"You always were one to think ahead, I remember that much."

"I need to call the lawyer and have those custody papers brought right over. Don, I want to ask you one favor. A last request if you will."

"I don't like the term, but go ahead."

"I'm going to ask the lawyer to have Joannes name legally changed to Cragen and I want to know if you'll marry me so when I'm gone at least a part of us will always be a family. I know it's a lot to ask, but..."

"That will be nice. We'll have Joanne here and we'll be a family." Don said around a lump in his throat. "I'll get the minister of the hospital to do it. Did you talk to Joanne about this?"

"Not yet. I thought we'd tell her together."

"Okay."

"I'm sorry, there won't be a wedding night. I always wanted a wedding night with you."

"I think we already did that." Don smiled.

"I wanted one you'd remember." Sue smiled. "Give me your cell phone and I'll call the lawyer then I want to get my beauty sleep. No bride should look like I do when she gets married."

Don handed it to her and moved off to give her some privacy. When she was finished she laid back on the bed and feel asleep before he could get back acrossed the room. Don took his phone and went out to tell Joanne that she'd be a witness at her own parents wedding.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**Cragens Daughter Ch 7**

Joanne was sitting out in the corridor, her arms wrapped around herself, dry eyed. Don came over to sit near her. He waited until she spoke first. "She isn't going to be able to come home again, is she?" she asked wisely.

"No, I'm sorry. I wanted that for you and her, but the doctor said she needs the care she can only get here in the hospital."

Joanne nodded. "I wish you had never come into my life. I know that's not fair, but I can't help but think that if you hadn't my mom would be fine and this never would have happened."

Don winced at the pain in her voice that no amount of love from him would ever ease. "I understand. I wish I'd never had to come to you in this manner either. But I can't help being grateful that you are in my life no matter what the circumstances. I would prefer that we all be together as a family."

"Me, too." Joanne said miserably. "I know we can't."

"Maybe not physically, but in a way we can. How would you feel if we had a wedding? Your mom and I got married here today and then I become your father legally as well as biologically?"

"You want to marry my mom? Now?!" she asked aghast.

"Keep your voice down. Yes, I do. It was her idea. She wants us to be a family for however long she has left. She's called her lawyer and arranged for him to come here with the papers for you to be my charge and she also mentioned she wants to have your name legally changed to Cragen. That way we'll all have the same name and you'll be my daughter in every way."

"This just keeps going. There's no stopping it, is there?"

"There's so much to accomplish and this is what you're mother wants. She's trying to take care of you in the only way she has left."

"What about you? You keep saying she wants, she needs, I need, what about you? Do you want a dead wife and a mostly grown daughter out of the blue?"

"Right now, what I want is last on the list of things that are important. I want to marry your mother so she can rest easy and I want to make a good, safe home for you. You are my daughter and what counts is what's best for you and I believe what's best for you is for your parents to get married and you to come live with me where you'll be safe from childrens protective services and foster care."

"Mom set up a college fund for me. What will happen to that?"

"Are you asking if I want to marry her for the money?" Don asked with a smile.

"No. Yes." She said bravely.

"I'm not. We'll change the account so I'll be able to keep putting into it and you'll be able to go to college just like you'd planned. I'm not after you and your mom for the money."

"Are you mad at me for asking?"

"No, I'm proud of you for thinking of it."

"You're strange, you know that?"

"I've been called worse. So do you want to help me set up a wedding for your mother, as nice as we can make it?"

"Yes. What can I do?"

"Do you know your mothers favorite flower?"

"Roses."

"Then call the florist and order some sent over. I'm going to go talk to the minister here at the hospital about doing the ceremony and we'll go get some lunch and a few things for her then come back and you can be the maid of honor."

"Okay."

Don gave her his cell phone and left her for a few minutes. He couldn't really blame her for her lack of enthusiasm. She had to be in shock over what was going on. It was moving fast for him too. He'd be a widower for the second time in just a short time. The minister was curious about the reason for the speedy ceremony until Don explained the situation and then he promised to help in any way he could. When he got back, Joanne handed him back his phone. " They said they'd deliver them in an hour. I didn't know what to tell them about the bill so they're going to bring it with them."

"You did a good job. You're a very smart girl. Let's go get some lunch and get your mom a veil."

"I'm not very hungry."

Don put his arm around her shoulders and led her out of the hospital. She ate more than she'd planned on in a desultory fashion while Don picked at his own food. He waited until she went to the restroom and made a call. "Elliott, it's Don. I hope I'm not intruding, but I need a huge favor."

"Sure, Captain, what's up?"

"I need you and Olivia to put on your dress blues and meet me at St. Marys hospital in an hour."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. I want you two to be the witnesses at my wedding. Can you do that?"

"I'll call Olivia."

"Thanks, see you then."

He hung up as Joanne came back to the table. "Does your mom have anyone she'd want to be there?"

"No. We didn't make many friends except from school or work."

"Then let's get the veil and we'll drop that stuff off at my place."

That's what they did. Joanne picked out a beautiful veil that was pretty expensive, but Don figured it was something she'd always remember and he paid for it without a word. They also got her a pearl necklace to go with it and earrings to match. They went back to his apartment and he changed into his dress blues while Joanne put away the perishable food. They also stopped back by Joannes house and got her mothers makeup and a brush so she could look nice for the camera they also picked up. Joanne changed into a dress that looked nearly new and Don figured it didn't get much wear. At the last Joanne grabbed a nice cardigan so her mother would be married in something more than a hospital gown. Then it was time to go back to the hospital.

Elliott and Olivia were waiting in the parking lot when Don pulled up. They had on their dress blues and Joannes eyes widened anxiously. "Joanne, this is two of my detectives, Elliott Stabler and Olivia Benson. They're going to witness the wedding. Elliott, Olivia, this is my daughter Joanne Gentry. Soon to be Joanne Cragen."

"Hello, Joanne." Elliott said with a smile at the nervous girl.

After her surprise passed, Olivia smiled at her as well. "It's nice to meet you, Joanne. What a lovely dress."

"Thank you."

"Let's go in."

"The veil." Joanne gasped and darted back to the car.

"Your daughter, Captain?" Olivia asked.

"I'll tell you about it later. Her mother is dying and wants us to be a family before that happens. It's all on the up and up. I can trust you to keep your mouths shut until I make the announcement and Joanne will like having another woman here."

"Of course, captain."

"Don, for today."

Joanne came back and Elliott and Olivia followed them into the hospital. The flowers had been delivered to the room, the minister was there and Don and Elliott waited out in the hall per Joannes orders until they had her mother ready for the ceremony. Elliott grinned at his captain. "I can see who's going to be running your house in no time flat."

"Probably." Don agreed drolly.

"This is pretty sudden." Elliott said. Don explained the sequence of events to him and Elliott nodded. "I can see why the rush. If you need any help let me know. We could have her over to our house sometimes so she learns what it's like to have family."

"Thanks, Elliott. I guess I should have asked you if you wanted to be my best man. It didn't occur to me until just now. I don't even have a ring for her."

"I took care of that." he pulled a ring out of his pocket in a box. "Kathy heard what was going on and gave me this incase you didn't have a chance to get one. It's not much, but..."

"I owe you both a big one." Don said gratefully.

"What's one among family?" Elliott said with an embarrassed shrug.

The door opened and Olivia stuck her head out. "Come meet your bride." she said to her captain.

Between Joanne and Olivia and the nurse attending Sue they had styled her hair, put makeup on her, gave her the necklace and earrings, helped her into the sweater and helped her put the veil on. She almost didn't look sick except for the tired droop of her eyes. They had removed the oxygen tube for the length of the ceremony. Don came over to stand next to her and took her hand and the minister started the ceremony. Because of her condition, the ceremony was a brief one and she had a smile on her face when Don placed the donated ring on her finger.

Don leaned over and kissed her on the mouth and then she needed her oxygen back on. She took a few breaths of air and then they took it off again so they could take some wedding photos for Joanne. Then it was time for them to leave as Sue was exhausted. She took off the veil and handed it to Joanne who put it on and spread it out over her and her mother and another photo was taken. Sue took off the pearl earrings and the necklace and handed them to Don. "Keep these for our daughter when she gets married, will you?"

She kept on the sweater, the makeup and the ring on her finger. Don indicated to Elliott and Olivia that he wanted to speak to them outside. They left Joanne in with her mother and moved out into the corridor. "Thank you for coming. I know it ws your day off, but..."

"It was our pleasure, Captain." Olivia said sincerely.

"I know you have questions, Olivia, but they'll have to wait until later. I need to be with my daughter now. I'll see you at the stationhouse Monday morning."

"Yes, Captain."

The two detectives moved off after Elliott clapped his captain on the upper arm. Don sighed and leaned against the wall for a minute. The nurse coming out of the room gave him a sympathetic smile. "That was beautiful. You did a good thing there."

"Thank you." he stood up and went back in to his family.

They stayed as late as the hospital would let them before they got chased out and Don drove a silent Joanne back to her house. She was emotionally exhausted. Don bought the thngs for them to have large submarine sandwiches for dinner and some soup. They had dinner and sat down in the living room to watch some tv. Joanne watched him as much as the tv. He let her do it, though it made him nervous. She had a very active mind and she needed to sort out what it was that was going on in her world.

"I'm going to go to bed." she said as she got up. She hesitated and seemed on the verge of saying something. "It doesn't seem right now to call you Don. You are legally my dad now. At least that's what the papers say and the lawyer."

He looked at her, so uncertain, but trying to be adult about it. "You can call me something else if you'd prefer or you can leave it at Don. I'm not particular as long as you feel comfortable with it. I'd just like it to be something that you can call me when we're among other people, bearing in mind that there will be times when we have to go to official functions and you won't want me to be embarrassed."

"Official functions?"

"Yes, we have social events that families are invited to and you are part of the "family" now."

"The family? It sounds like the mob."

"It can seem like it too. The family is the husbands, wives and children of the officers of of the NYPD. We have events like weddings, birthdays, picnics, all kinds of events. You'll be invited as my daughter if you want to go, and because I am the captain we're invited to more than most and you'll have to be conscious of your manners."

"You didn't tell me any of this before." Joanne looked horrified.

"It's not a big deal. You're a nice young lady and I'll be proud to be seen with you. No one is expecting you to be perfect, just be yourself. That means what you call me matters. I just want you to think about that when you decide what you want to call me."

"If you have your choice, what would you like to be called?" Joanne asked putting him on the spot.

Don colored a bit. "I've always thought I'd like to be a Dad, but that's a personal preference."

"Okay, I'll think about it. Good night."

"Sweet dreams." Don said meaning it.

Joanne headed for her room and he could hear noises down the hall then quiet. He thought he'd seen her for the last time tonight. He kicked off his shoes and settled back on the couch to unwind. A noise from the hall drew his attention. He looked over to where she stood at the doorway looking at him. "I've decided what I'm going to call you."

"What's that?"

She cocked her head like a little bird, regarding him. "Good night...Dad."

"Good night, little bird." it slipped out before he thought about it.

She smiled and disappeared out of sight. Don settled down for the evening and finally changed into his sweats and fell asleep on the couch.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**Cragens Daughter Ch 8**

First thing in the morning, Don was awakened by the smell of food cooking in the kitchen. Bacon and toast. He sat up and looked over to where Joanne was working in the kitchen. His coffee pot was set up on the counter but there was nothing brewing in it. Maybe she didn't know how to make coffee. He rubbed his hand over his face and struggled to his feet. He stumbled to the bathroom, feeling a bit clumsy and splashed water on his face. When he came out to the kitchen Joanne had two plates of food on the table. The bacon was a bit dark and the eggs were a bit runny, but otherwise it looked good.

"Morning. You didn't have to cook breakfast." he said.

"Good morning, Dad. I was hungry so I cooked."

"All I usually have is coffee." he said.

"That's no way to start a day. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"Yes, ma'am." he sat down intending to eat.

"Besides there isn't any." Joanne added.

"Isn't any what?"

"Coffee. We got the pot and the cups and..."

"We forgot the coffee." he added in exactly the same words as she did.

"I can't believe that. How could we forget coffee?" Don grimaced comically.

Joanne giggled. "Mom has some tea, but it's decaffeinated. I didn't think you wanted any of that."

"You are so smart."

"I could run down to the store and get you some if you want."

"No, I'm fine. We'll get some on the way to the hospital. How did you sleep?"

"Okay, I guess. I miss my mom though."

"I thought you would. We'll go see her as soon as visiting hours start."

"The eggs are kind of runny. Mom always does that part." Joanne poked at hers.

"They are kind of." Don admitted. "Do you feel like going out for some pancakes?"

"Sure." she said looking dejected.

"Joanne, how often did you cook for your mom?"

"Not very often. She mostly did it."

"Then I'm honored that you did this for me. Don't worry, I'm not that good of a cook either. Together we'll get better. And on those days when something doesn't turn out we'll just go out to eat or bring something in, deal?"

"It's a deal. I liked that." she said softly.

"What's that?"

"Last night, you called me Little Bird. I like that. Why did you call me that?"

"Because you reminded me of a little bird, pretty, delicate, curious and smart."

"I like it. You can call me that sometimes if you want."

"Thank you. I'm going to take a shower before we leave. Be thinking of where you want to go to eat."

"Okay."

Don took a quick shower and dressed in jeans, a T-shirt and a casual shirt over the top. He pulled on his socks and padded out to the living room to put on his shoes. Joanne was folding up the blanket he'd used last night on the couch. "You don't have to pick up after me, I'll do that." Don said.

"It's okay. Mom likes to keep the living room clean just in case someone stops by, but they never do. It was my job to keep it clean before school everyday."

"Okay. Where do you go to school?"

"Adams Middle School. I'll be going into the seventh grade next year."

"Do you know the Stabler children?"

"What are their names?"

"Maureen would be too old for you, but there's Kathleen, she'd be a couple years ahead of you, Elizabeth and Dickie."

"I know an Elizabeth and a Dick. They're twins. They're nice but a bit in a different group of kids from mine. They stick with the kids from their church alot."

Don nodded. "Religion is very important to them. How do you mean a different group of kids?"

"Some of their friends look down on me because I don't have a dad."

"Not the Stablers." Don said in consternation.

"No, they're nice, but some of their friends make it sound like you're inferior somehow if you don't have both parents. I don't hang around with them when they're like that. Why do you ask?"

"I was just curious. Elliott, who you met yesterday, is their father. I was just wondering if you knew them."

"You don't expect me to hang out with them because you work together, do you?"

"No, I told you I was just curious. I'd like to get to know you and your friends, that's all. Is it so bad that I get to know who you are and how you like things?"

"No, I guess not. Can we go eat then see Mom?"

"Sure, honey."

After breakfast, and Dons three cups of coffee, they went to the hospital to find Sue looking better than she had before and she had even eaten some of the stuff the hospital called food. She smiled at them and reached out to take Joannes hand. "Good morning, sweetie. How are you?"

"I'm good." Joanne said with a happy smile.

"Morning, Don." she said to him.

"Good morning. You're looking good this morning."

"I'm feeling better. Isn't it marvellous what a good nights sleep will do for you. So how did it go last night?"

Joanne climbed carefully into the bed with her mother. She laid down next to her and began to tell her about their evening and the breakfast fiasco including Dons unhealthy three cups of coffee at the pancake house. Don took his scolding with a good natured grin. It was nice to see the girl chattering like a magpie to her mother. This was how she should be.

Dr Covington came in and smiled at the sight of the family in the room. She chatted for a few minutes about nonsense. "I hate to interrupt this fascinating conversation but I need to examine your mother, Joanne. Could you and your dad wait outside for a few minutes?"

Joanne tried to get off the bed, but she landed her elbow in her mother stomach. Don reached over and lifted her bodily off the bed. It was natural for him to do that but most of the people watching him were impressed by his strength. It looked effortless. Don set her down and they walked out the door. "You're strong." Joanne said.

"You're light weight."

"Have you ever been in the hospital? As a patient, I mean?"

"From time to time."

"Is that normal? There isn't anything wrong with Mom is there? She looks good."

"It's standard procedure, it's done for the patients privacy. I've been around hospitals enough to know that."

"As a patient?"

"Some times." he admitted.

"Will I have to worry about you getting shot all the time?" She asked nibbling on her lower lip anxiously.

He didn't want to lie to her or worry her unnecessarily so he chose his words carefully. "Every cop stands the chance of getting shot every day, little bird. That's part of the job. Very few do considering the number of cops there are out there, but it's a chance we take. As a captain, I'm in the office more than on the street, but I still wear the badge. You haven't been around too many cops have you?"

"I knew a kid in school way back when I was just a kid who's dad came to school for career day. He was a beat cop. I raised my hand and told him that I didn't like beets but I liked carrots. Some of the other kids laughed at me. The kid who's dad was the cop told me my father was probably a farmer. I told him I didn't have a dad. He said he probably didn't want me because I was so dumb. Then Mom had to come to school."

"He was wrong. Why did they call her?"

"She had to talk to the principal. I slugged him in the nose for it. I didn't know what a beat cop was, Mom raised beets in the garden and I thought he was a man who made people raise vegetables. I didn't know any different."

Don smiled at the story. "Unless you're raised with it you wouldn't know and kids can be cruel. Anyone who is different is a target."

"That's kind of the extent of my knowledge of cops. Until now. You're not so bad."

"Thank you, I think." he smiled at her. She was getting to know him, but wasn't above needling him a bit. He was glad she was comfortable enough to do that. He opened his mouth to tell her she'd be learning a whole new vocabulary now, but the room opened and the doctor came out smiling.

Don rose to talk to her and so did Joanne, coming to stand beside him. Closer than she used to, he noticed absently. "How is she doing?" he asked.

"She's stable for the moment."

"So she can come home?" Joanne asked hopefully.

"No, Joanne, I'm sorry. She's still in trouble physically. This is a plateau for her. It could last an hour, or several days, but she's not going to get better. She's lucid, and comfortable so you can go in and visit with her for as long as you like. Don't get your hopes up, though. Her condition hasn't changed."

Joannes face fell and Don put his arm around her shoulder to comfort her. "Why don't you go in and talk to her while I finish up here." he suggested.

She nodded and walked dejected to her mothers room. "I'm sorry, Captain Cragen. I didn't want to lie to her. That would serve no purpose." the doctor said.

"Next time, let me be the one to tell her." Don said firmly. "She's stable, but how long does she have?"

"Not more than a few days. When this phase is over it could be a very rapid decline. You need to be mindful that the end happens very quickly in these cases and be ready to come at a few hours notice."

Don nodded, he was familiar with the concept. "Thank you, Dr. Covington."

The doctor nodded acknowledgment and walked away. Don went over to peer inside the hospital room door. Joanne was sitting in a chair beside her mother who was talking earnestly to her. He watched for a few minutes. It was a touching scene, one he was loath to interrupt. He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes against the pain he knew was coming. Joanne would bear the brunt of it and through her so would he, not that he wouldn't mourn Sues passing, but then he'd have to find the strength to be there for his daughter and that was going to be hard.

He closed his eyes for a few minutes to gather his resolve around him, then straightened up, drew his shoulders back, lifted his chin, put on a smile and went in to spend what time he could with his wife and child.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

**Cragens Daughter Ch 9**

The next day it was back to the normal routine. Don got on his suit and his equipment and took Joanne to her school before going to the precinct. It felt good to be back on familiar ground both physically and figuratively. Being the captain was something he knew about. Being a father was still too new. John was at his desk, he nodded to Don. "Morning, Captain. Good weekend?"

"Busy. You?"

"The usual." John shrugged with a secretive grin.

"Good. Hang around a bit. I have an announcement."

"Will do. Everything alright I hope."

"You'll find out. Pass it on, will you?"

"Sure." John said puzzled.

Don went into his office and sat down to get his voice mail and e-mails. He took care what needed to be done and saw the entire squad had arrived. He straightened his jacket and went out to the squad room. "I need your attention here. I'll be brief because we all have work to do. Saturday morning I got married and I now have a daughter. I imagine you will see her around here from time to time. Her name is Joanne Gentry. If you should run into her and she's trying to get up to see me, call me. You all know my cell number."

"Your wife, will we be able to meet her?" John asked.

"No. Her mother is in the hospital, she's terminally ill."

"That's rough, man." Fin said. "Anything we can do?"

"No. Just carry on with your jobs. I'll try to keep things to a minimum. I can depend on all of you to do your best no matter what the circumstances. Enough of this, what's going on with the cases? Let's hear it."

The caseload was normal and Don took it all in, taking up the reins as though nothing had changed. But something had. He had a daughter. He called a friend of his. "Winston, it's Don Cragen. I need a meeting with you asap. Yes, it is important. Lunch tomorrow? That's the soonest you can get me in? Yeah, yeah, I know. You're a busy man. Okay if that's the best you can do, I'll see you then." He hung up the phone and dialled another number. "This is Captain Cragen. I need to see a rep in my office this afternoon. Yes, it's important and it won't wait. I'll see them at three sharp."

There was a knock on his door casing. "Can I speak to you, sir?" John asked from his door before Don had even hung up the phone.

"Sure, John, what is it?"

"I'm the last person to give advice about kids, but if she needs someone to talk to about death, I've seen plenty of it. I'd be willing to help answer any questions that she has."

"Thanks, I appreciate it."

John nodded and left leaving the door closed. Another knock and the door opened at his hail. It was Olivia, "Captain, I wanted you to know if you need any help any help with...answering any questions about Joanne or her uh...girl problems, I'd be glad to help any way I can or anything else you might need. I could take her shopping if she needs anything...clothes or boys or..."

Don smiled at his usually very self assured detective offering her services in delicate areas. "Thank you, Olivia. I'll keep your kind offer in mind if I need anything."

She nodded and left. All morning various officers came into his office with offers of help, advice or any number of other ways of letting him know they were there for him if he needed them. He was touched by their concern. He left work that day in time to pick Joanne up at school and go to the hospital to visit with Sue. He left her there for a couple of hours while he went back to the office to finish his day then back to the hospital to is wife and daughter. While the nurses took care of Sues treatment, he took Joanne to dinner and she told him about her day at school including one of the kids at school who was giving everyone including the school teachers trouble.

"What's his name?"

"Her name isTeresa. She big and heavy and she's mean. She waits in the hallway for the younger kids to go by and then she tells them she's going to beat them up if they don't bring her a dollar a day."

"Hasn't anyone told the school about this?"

"Everyone is afraid of her. She weighs more than most of the people at school. And no one will tell because when she comes back she'll beat them up for real. She's done it before."

"Is she bothering you?"

"Not much. I don't go that way in the hall. She usually stays in one spot. It has more kids that have to go that way to get to class. I go around from the other way. It's longer but it's safer."

"You hide from her?"

"I avoid confrontation." Joanne corrected him firmly. "That's what Mom calls it."

"Do you know how to defend yourself, Joanne?"

"Fight? No, Mom said fighting was for hooligans and lower forms of life. She said I should try to talk to T and be friends with her. Maybe she needs friends. I tried that and then no one would talk to me after that except _her._ So I stopped being her friend and here I am."

"Would you like to know how to defend yourself? We could check into classes or I could have some of my officers give you some pointers."

"I don't know. That's not what Mom wanted." Joanne demurred.

"Your mom is a wonderful woman, I wouldn't trade her for the world, but there might be times you have to defend yourself and I want you to know how."

"I'm not sure I'm ever going to need it."

"We don't have to decide right now. Just think about it okay? So who are your friends at school?"

"Just friends, no one special."

"Any boyfriends?"

Joanne colored and ducked her head. "No."

Don grinned and took a drink of his soda. He'd hit a nerve. "Any cute guys you're interested in?"

"Dad!" Joanne protested embarrassed. "Can we leave it alone? What about you? Did you have a girl friend in high school?"

"It's been awhile, but I think I can remember back that far. You understand things were different back when I went to high school. We had to sit around the campfire and write on big rock slates with charcoal sticks."

"I'll bet you were a comedian, too. Were you the class clown?"

"I was Valedictorian, thank you very much. Most of my teachers were surprised that I even graduated. I didn't see the error of my ways until almost graduation time. I buckled down and pulled my grades up to finish with a decent grade point average."

"So you didn't date during high school?"

"I used to date one of the highschool cheerleaders when I was in school. She was good to be seen around with but she thought I was going to go to the pros in basketball and that was why she was with me. She dropped me like a hot potato when I hurt my knee and it ended my career in my senior year."

"So when did you meet Mom?"

"She was a friend of my wifes and we used to go around in the same crowd. It was just a group of people who had things in common and we'd rotate bars. My Marge was a stewardess and she'd go out on flights and I'd go out with the gang. Your mom and I would end up sitting together alot because we were both alone with the couples. Nothing ever happened between us until after Marge was killed in a plane crash. I was in AA then but that threw me for a wild ride. I went to talk to your mother because she knew Marge and I needed to talk about her. She had a bottle there and I took just one drink because I needed it. That led to another and another and then we...And here you are. It was an accident and I don't remember it, but I'm not sorry. You're mom has always been good people and now I have you."

"I know I was an accident. Mom always said I was the best accident that ever happened to her."

"An accident that produced you can't be a bad accident, little bird."

"And you don't have any other kids? None that you know of?"

"I have no other children, young lady. Of that I'm quite certain."

"But you didn't know about me..."

"Joanne, leave it alone." Don told his daughter in his no nonsense voice.

Joanne took the reprimand with a flush of annoyance. "I was just asking."

"You were asking things that are best left alone. Let's get back. Your mom is probably done with the nurse by now."

Joanne was in a bit of a temper when they returned and Sue picked up on it immediately. She looked from her daughter to her husband and back. "What's going on?" she asked them.

"Ask him." Joanne pouted and plopped down on the chair next to her mothers bed.

"Don?"

"We're just getting to know each other, Sue, that's all. I explained to our daughter that I didn't have any other children and she's a bit of a pitbull over the facts. She must get that from your side of the family." Don explained with a small smile.

"We've always tried to be honest with each other." Sue said reaching for her daughters hand. "Honey, you are going to have to learn that there are things you can't always ask when you're around a cop. Learn to take his word for what you can and can't ask."

Joanne looked like she wanted to argue, but she didn't want to do it with her sick mother. "I'm going to go down to the gift shop and see if there's any magazines you like. Excuse me." she bolted from the room.

Sue sighed and looked at Don. "It looks like I'm leaving you with your hands full, Don. I'm sorry. She's really not this bad all the time."

"I know that. She's a good girl. She is trying out her arguing skills on me. She wants to know if I have any other kids. I told her no and naturally she brought up her existence. I swear, Sue, I don't have any other children."

"Don't let it get to you. Be calm and firm with her. As long as she's gone, I want to tell you what I want done for my body after I die."

"You don't have to talk about that now..."

"I do. The doctor says I'm getting sicker and it won't be long before I'm gone. I want you to have a memorial service for Joanne and bury some ashes in the cemetary so she'll think I'm there, but I've already signed the papers to donate this treacherous body to science. If it means that I'll be able to save someone else, even Joanne, from dying of this I want to do it."

"No. I won't do it." Don said.

"But, Don..." Sue began surprised at his refusal.

"Sue, I have always been honest with you and I'm going to be now. Joanne and I are going to have a hard enough time after your gone learning to be a family, I can't put this lie between us on top of that. Joanne may not want what you're doing but she's got to know the truth. She deserves to know what a selfless, loving person her mother is and that you're being honest with her from now on."

"But she's only twelve. She's too young."

"She's going to have a lot of growing up to do after you're gone. Do you want her to know in later years that one of the very last things you did was lie to her? How do you think that'll make her feel?"

Sue sighed and laid her head back on the bed, tears running down her cheeks. She looked very tired and drawn. She closed her eyes and drew in a shaky breath. "I need you to tell her. I don't think I can. I'm trying to protect her and I nearly blew it. I'm glad she's going to have you to lean on. You've always knew where you were going. I should have come to you years ago." She opened her eyes to look at him.

"Don't dwell on it, Sue. Just be the best mom you can be now." He soothed as best he could.

The door opened and Joanne came in not carrying anything. "They didn't have anything you read, Mom. I'm sorry." she said.

"It's okay, honey. Come sit here. Don and I have something we need to tell you."

"You aren't pregnant, are you?" Joanne joked but there was fear in her eyes.

"No, I'm not. Listen, sweetie, I've decided to have my body donated to science after I die. Maybe someone else can benefit from what they learn about me. I wanted to tell you."

"But what aout your funeral? You picked out the gravesite and everything..."

"How did you know?"

"I saw the papers on the desk at home. You can't just...go away and leave without a funeral." Joanne said.

"I'm not. Don's going to have a memorial service. It's not like we have so many friends, after all."

"What about me? What about me? I care. I want a funeral and everything. I'm not just somebody you can hand off to the first stranger that comes along." Joanne was yelling angrily.

A nurse hurried in to see what the noise was all about. "If you can't keep the noise down, I'll have to ask you to leave." she warned them.

"My mother is dying and I can be as loud as I want to! It's not fair!" Joanne screamed at her. "IT'S NOT FAIR!" her face went bright red.

"You'll have to leave." the nurse said unperturbed by the outburst.

"We're going." Don said. "Sue, we'll be back either later today or tomorrow." he told the woman in the bed.

Joanne ran from the room crying. Dan followed the distraught teen ager who would no doubt reject him right now but he had to try to make her understand that fair didn't always enter into life.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

**Cragens Daughter Ch 10**

Don had to search the hospital for nearly half an hour before he found Joanne upstairs by the nursery viewing window. She had been crying and now was watching the babies, most of who were sleeping peacefully. Her face was pressed to the support between the viewing windows and she had folded her arms across her chest. She seemed to know when he arrived there. He came to stand beside her and look at the babys too. "They're all so small and innocent. How can they not know someone is dying? That they will someday too."

"Because all babies should be so innocent. It's not right that some kids grow all the way up before they lose their parents and some have to grow up faster because of it. Some kids never have either parents. You are lucky that you at least had your mother for as long as you have. I would gladly die in her place so you'd never have to lose her if I could, but I can't. You're stuck with me."

"And you're stuck with me." Joanne said softly.

"Happy to have you. Never stuck with you." Don corrected gently.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. I understand. Listen, Joanne, there are some things that you're just going to have to take my word for. I know it isn't easy to do, I'll tell you all I can but I'm not going to be able to tell you everything. Will you accept my word that I'll never tell you something just because I don't want to? There will always be a reason why."

"I don't have a lot of choice, do I?" Joanne said flippantly. She immediately clapped a hand over her mouth. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded." she hastily assured him.

"I'm glad. Let's go home. Do you have homework you have to do?"

"Some. Not much, it's almost the end of the school year."

"Then we can get that done. I have some paperwork I have to do as well."

"Are you taking classes, too?"

"No. I'm trying to stay afloat in paperwork." Don said taking his daughters shoulders and steering her toward the elevator.

Joanne spread her homework all over half of the kitchen table and worked diligently on hers while he worked on his. Her face was scrunched up with concentration. Don found himself watching her wrestle with english and spelling but breeze through the math. He liked to see her look of intense concentration and her satisfaction when she solved a problem. He tried not to get caught watching her. She got up and went to the fridge bringing back two sodas, putting on on the table by his elbow and went around the table to sit back down at her studies.

"Thank you." he said surprised.

"You looked like you could use something else to look at besides me." she said with a tiny smile at him.

"You've got sharp eyes. I was thinking we might go somewhere this weekend and buy your mom a present. Maybe we can get someone to take pictures of us so she can see."

"I'd rather just stay around here. You know, just in case. I don't want to go too far in case she needs us."

"Alright. Let's take a game to her, one we can all play. I'll let you pick it, and we'll spend the day with her as much as they'll let us."

"Okay. She's pretty good at Trivial Pursuit."

"Okay, let's take that. Choose a second one, too, just in case. Make it an easy one in case she isn't feeling too well. One we can all play."

"Okay."

Don closed up his papers and put them back in his briefcase. "I'm going to take a shower."

"Do you bring home work alot? Paperwork, I mean?"

"Sometimes. I have a big pile of paperwork that I have to do and approve for every case we handle and it's all my responsibility to look it over before I send it on. "

"Don't your officers do that?"

"Yes, but they turn it in to me, I look it over and then I send it on. That way things are done properly. It's what makes our squad so successful. That's my job."

"Are you good at it?"

"I think so. Are you good at your school work?"

"I think I am." Joanne shot back. "I'm going to watch some tv then go to bed. I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night, then." he smiled at her.

She reached up and gave him a shy kiss on his cheek then hurried off to bed. Don was surprised and pleased that she had done that.

He put his suitcase in the living room next to the couch and went in to take a shower and put on his sweats. He sat down to watch the tv in the living room. During a break in the noise he looked up to see Joanne looking at him. "Is there something wrong?" he asked concerned.

She shifted her weight on her feet. "I was missing my mom. I went to her room but she wasn't there. I got to thinking, she isn't coming home and you shouldn't be sleeping on the couch. Not with your job being so important and all. I think you should move into moms room. You and she are married and you should be there. Someone should be in there and you're the parent too."

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Don admitted.

Joanne shook her head slowly. "You're not. It's the right thing to do."

"Thank you. That means alot to me."

Joanne nodded and went back to her bedroom. Don turned off the tv and took his suitcase into the master bedroom. He set it down and looked around. Sues things were all over the room. It was still hers. He put his clothes away in the drawers, hung his suits up and put his suitcase in the closet. He took one more tour of the home to make sure everything was locked up then went to bed. He didn't think he was going to fall asleep but he did have a nice, long, deep, dreamless sleep.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

**Cragens Daughter Ch 11**

The next day Special Victims Unit was in the middle of a huge case and it looked like it was going to be a late night for everyone, Don included. He went to pick up Joanne at school. "Hi, what's up?" she said eyeing him perceptively.

"I'm going to need to go back to work and I'm going to be late. Is there someone you can stay with while I'm gone?"

"I can stay by myself, Dad. I'm not an infant."

"You're twelve, Joanne. It's not safe for you to stay alone. Can you stay with a friend or something?"

"No. I don't have anyone. Mom always made sure she was home when I got home." there was a bit of accusation in her tone.

Don got out his cell phone and dialled a number. "It's Cragen. Would it be possible for my daughter to come stay at your house until we're done tonight?"

"Who are you calling?"

"Detective Stabler."

"No, I'm not some little kid who needs a babysitter. I'll be fine at home by myself." She said loudly.

"I'll call you back." Don said hanging up the phone. "Let me tell you something, young woman. I don't care whether or not you agree with me but do not , I repeat, DO NOT speak to me in that tone of voice or do it while I am on the phone. I may be new to this being a father business but I am not new to making decisions. You are mature for your age, I'm sure, but you are not ready to be by yourself for I don't know how many hours until I get home. You're going to have to accept that I know what I'm going to make mistakes but I err on the side of caution. If in the future you prove to me that you're capable of more, I'll take that into account. Right now, we're doing things my way."

Joanne flopped back in the seat with her arms crossed over her chest. "Mom knows I can stay by myself. I took care of her for years when you weren't even around. If she wasn't sick, you wouldn't even be here." she declared belligerently.

"You are right and I'd still be missing out on some of these wonderful conversations with you. Now, you have the choice of going to the Stablers or I'll find some very old lady who smells bad and has a million cats for you to stay with. It's your choice."

"Can't I go with you to your office?"

"It's not a good idea. My precinct is not the place for someone your age to hang out."

"I'll bet the Stablers let their kids come and visit." She said with a sly look at her father.

"They don't, but that doesn't change a thing. I don't follow the crowd, I lead it and so should you. What's it going to be?"

"The Stablers, I guess."

Don nodded and hit redial on his phone. "Elliott, it's Don. I was going to ask you if Joanne could stay at your house until this situation is resolved. She isn't? Okay, that sounds fine. I'll be in soon." Don hung up the phone and turned to his daughter. "It looks like you're going with me to the precinct after all, but just for a while. Mrs. Stabler isn't home. After she is, you'll go there until I'm done for today."

"If you had asked me, I'd have told you that all along." Joanne said with a cocky attitude.

Don scowled at his daughter and turned the key on to start the car. He pulled into the parking space a the office and turned to Joanne. "This is my place of business, remember that. I'll introduce you around, but you need to stay where I tell you because there are things I don't need you to see. Some things need to be kept private."

"I know, Dad, things should stay private. You act like I'm going to go blab it all over school or something."

"I trust you more than that. But I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't warn you about what you might see."

"Your job as a Dad or a captain?"

"Both, Joanne. Let's go."

For all her bravado, Joanne stayed close to her father while they walked through the building to the elevator. The doors opened upstairs and Don was aware of her staying very close to him and looking all over the office at everything. He took her over to Elliott and Olivias desks. Olivia was on the phone, she smiled at Joanne and kept talking. Elliott too smiled at the nervous girl. "You two remember my daughter, Joanne. Joanne, this is Elliott Stabler and Olivia Benson."

"They were at the wedding." Joanne said immediately.

"Yes, they were."

"I called Kathy and she's looking forward to meeting you, Joanne." Elliott smiled at the girl.

"Why don't I take you upstairs where you'll be more comfortable and it's quiet up there." Olivia said in a pleasant tone when she'd finished her call.

Joanne glanced up at Don with a slightly panicked expression on her face. "Upstairs?"

"Right up there. You can look down at the entire squadroom any time you want to and my office is right over there. You can see my desk from up there." Don asssured her. "Do you want anything to drink or eat?"

"A cheese burger and fries would be nice." Joanne said slyly. "And a coke."

"A coke we can do, the rest will take longer."

"We'll get it on the way by." Olivia said with a smile. "This way, Joanne." she led the girl toward the stairs.

"She's your daughter all right." Elliott grinned at his captain.

"What makes you say that?" Don asked him.

"She has her ways of getting what she wants." Elliott added impudently. If he didn't know his captain so well, he was well aware that what he said could get him a reprimand. And that was as far as he was prepared to push the man.

"So where are we at?" Captain Cragen asked, turning his focus to work now that Joanne was being taken care of.

"We've made some progress...." Elliott began.

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

**Cragens Daughter 12**

Joanne followed Olivia to the drink machine then they went upstairs. There was a comfortable couch, a tv, it was more quiet and almost like a living room up there. Olivia showed Joanne the view from the balcony pointing out Cragens office, her desk and different places where she wasn't allowed to go without an escort. She gave her the remote and a smile. "Anything else you need?"

"How long have you known my father?"

"Eight almost nine years."

"What do you think of him?"

Olivia was silent for a few moments. "He's my captain so it's hard to say as a father......"

"Aren't captains like fathers?" Joanne asked with a grin.

Olivia grinned. "I guess you could say that. Your father is as good of a man as they come, he's honest and caring and he always tries to do the right thing. He's a very moral man, someone you can be proud of."

"But he's an alcoholic."

"Yes, he is and he admits it. I haven't seen him take a drink in eight years and we've had some pretty stressful times when he could have. He's a good man, he's the captain, but he's also human and like any human he makes mistakes. He's not perfect, but he's damned good at who he is and what he does. Give him a chance, you won't be sorry."

"Promise?"

"I promise you won't be sorry that you try. Listen, I have to get back to work. Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay."

Joanna sank down on the sofa and turned on the tv. A young officer came up the stairs and brought her a coke and a sandwich with chips in a basket. "The cafeteria is pretty much closed for the evening so the captain sent this up for you." he said.

"Thanks. Who are you?"

"Randy Miller, Patrolman Randy Miller. Are you waiting for someone? I can let you know when they arrive."

"Detective Stablers wife. That would be nice, yes. So you work here?"

"For the moment. I'm waiting for my partner to get back from court then we'll be going out on patrol. I offered to come up here. I like to see what goes on around the station house. Someday I hope to make detective." Randy said with a shy smile. "How about you?"

Joanna shrugged. "I don't really know what I want to be. How-How did you decide to become a cop?"

"Family tradition." Randy straighted and threw back his shoulders proudly. "All the men in my family have been in law enforcement since the first one who was a sheriff in a rinky dink town out west. It's a proud tradition in our family."

"What about the girls? Are they cops too?" Joanna asked slyly.

Randy looked a bit sheepish. "Not usually. We don't have many girls in our family and they don't go into this much. They usually marry cops though. It makes for great discussions when we all get together."

"How come there aren't any women cops in your family?"

"If they wanted to go into it they could, I guess." Miller said. "They just don't."

"I'm going to. I think it's a cool job." Joanna said firmly.

"I thought you said you didn't know what you were going to be." He teased gently.

"I can be anything I want to. And I want to be a cop." Joanna said. "Like Olivia Benson."

"I heard she's good and pretty, too. I can't see you as a cop. You'll be pretty when you're all grown up. You may not want to be a cop after all."

Joanna nodded embarrassed that he'd called her pretty. "T-Thank you for the food."

"You're welcome. I guess I'd better get back now. It was nice to meet you."

"You, too."

The uniformed young man turned and hurried down the stairs. Joanna's heart was beating rapidly. He said she'd be pretty when she grew up. Mom said that, too, but then she was supposed to. There were more footsteps on the stairs and Olivias head peaked up over the top step. "Mrs. Stabler will be here in half an hour, honey. She just called."

"Thank you. Olivia, can I ask you a question?"

"If it's a quick one. I have to get back downstairs."

"What does it take to be a cop? A woman cop, I mean?"

"Um, that would be a good one to ask your Dad. It's a father type of question, but some other time, I'll talk to you about it, if you like. Okay? Be right down." Olivia smiled at her and went back downstairs.

Joanna took a bite of sandwich and sat back to watch the television but it was only noise and movement. Her mind was a million miles away from the show. For the first time she felt like more than a young girl at the whim of fate and parental control. She could be anything she wanted to be. The idea pleased to her enormously. What had Mom always told her "Joanna, you just have to make your choice in life then go after it." When Joanna had decided she wanted to take dance classes, she'd worked for the neighbor lady raking leaves and working in her garden to earn the money for the lessons. It turned out she didn't like the classes, but the fact that she'd earned the money herself had been one of the best things she'd ever done. Too bad old Mrs. Mahoney had died. She had been such a nice lady.

She'd eaten the entire sandwich and drunk most of the coke by the time someone came up to get her that Mrs. Stabler was waiting downstairs. She waved to her Dad as she walked out. Elizabeth Stabler was standing next to her mother when Joanna came down with another junior officer and she was glad to see her. Elizabeth was always nice at school.

They went back to the Stabler house and Joanna was made to feel like one of the family. They did homework together, talked about their different teachers and agreed that the principal was way out of touch with the times. They were laughing loudly about the newest billboards in the hallways in a comedy contest when the household phone rang. Mrs. Stabler answered it. She talked for a few minutes then came over to the table.

"Joanna, that was my husband. There's been a break in the case so it'll be awhile before you can go home. How about if you stay with us for awhile. You can share a room with Elizabeth or there's another one that belongs to one of the other girls."

"I don't want to be any trouble." Joanna said nervously.

"It's no trouble. You're about Kathleens size so you can borrow something of hers to sleep in. I can wake you when your Dad comes to get you." Kathy Stabler offered.

Joanna wanted to argue, but she could see it was no use. She was smart enough to give in gracefully. "Thank you, that would be nice."

The girls picked up their schoolwork and retreated to Elizabeths room. "I'm sorry." Elizabeth said to Joanna.

"For what?"

"About your mom, and having to stay here. It can be hard, having a cop in the family."

"Does this happen alot?" Joanna asked quietly.

"Sometimes. That's why it's nice to have my mom home alot. Oh, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"It's okay. I know you didn't mean anything by it. Would it...would it be okay if I sleep in here tonight?"

"Sure. Do you want the top or the bottom bunk?"

"It's your room."

"But you're the guest." Elizabeth shrugged. "It's up to you."

"I've never slept on a top bunk before."

Elizabeth grinned. "Then here's your chance. Bathrooms in there and we leave a light on in the hall in case Eli wakes up and for Dad when he comes home."

The girls were ready for bed in short order. Kathy Stabler knocked on the door to see if they needed anything else. To Joannas surprise Elizabeth knelt down by her bedside and prayed unashamedly before she crawled into bed. In the darkness where there was privacy and no censure she asked. "Your religion is important to you, isn't it?"

"It is. I've been going to church since I was a little kid. Do you?" Elizabeth asked in the same tone.

"No, Mom and I moved around so much we didn't go to any church. Does it help? To pray, I mean?"

"It helps me. God hears my prayers, I'm sure of that, sometimes it just helps to know someone is listening just to listen. There's the saying that He doesn't always give you what it is you're asking for, but he gives you what you need. Maybe it would help you feel better if you talked to him."

"I don't know. I don't know what to say."

"You'd think of something, I'm sure. Good night, Joanna."

"Good night."

At 12:30 Don Cragen showed up at the Stabler home, a sleepy Joanna pulled her clothes on and let herself be led down to the car, home to the apartment and put to bed. She barely remembered it the next morning.

TBC


End file.
